Blog Talk: What is wrong with me? | amenorrhea

Why don't I have periods? 

I'm not sure why I have waited so long to bring up this topic. Lately, its been bothering me but before a couple months ago I was completely fine with it. I figured I was lucky to not have periods like most women do. I saved money on tampons, I didn't have to endure cramps and the inconvenience of bleeding...but I didn't think about long term problems. Do I have anything medically wrong with me? Are my hormones going to be imbalanced for the rest of my life( and suffer from acne)?

 Can I have another baby? And that's what started my depression, the desire of having a baby. 

Some of you know, some don't, I have a toddler that's four and he's my angel. However, I always wanted to have more than one child. I grew up with the best siblings and I was always entertained by them. When the thought of having only one child raddles back and fourth in my head, I can't help but cry. My dear son won't have a sibling to hold on to during the hard times, he won't be an uncle or have anyone to play with growing up. A sister or brother is possibly the best family member you can have. You grow up together, live together and eventually pass away together. They are there practically your whole life. I feel like I'm failing my son since I can't give him the precious gift of a sibling. 

I also feel like it's time for me to have another baby. If you're a mom, then I'm sure you know what I mean. I can't help but think of the times when a baby is cradled in tight arms and rocked to sleep. The sweet moments of looking at them when their peacefully dreaming. Oh, the heavenly scent they give off. The love... I feel like my heart is wanting to love another child. But I'm afraid I can't. I'm sure everyone here knows how monthly cycles work. There's an egg, if it's not fertilized, then the uterus sheds(your period). I obviously don't lay an egg since I don't have periods. My last period was around June 20, 2014. Before that I had them around every four months and that's how I recieved my first child. Now, I just don't get them at all. So what's wrong with me? 

Curious about what my doctor has said? Nothing, because I haven't talked to one about my situation. I know I should but I'm afraid of any bad news I may recieve when I go in. Once it's confirmed I'm afraid my fears will be true.. Then, It will be real and right now it's just a thought forced in my head... I don't want that to happen. 

Anyways, I feel like I should stop this post here before I get too emotional. Sorry I haven't posted much lately but infertility can drown a woman with depression. I'll try to post more often! But let me know in the comments below if you have or currently are experiencing anything similar. I would love to know your story! 

Thanks for reading, Taylor Pie. 

Is collecting makeup good or bad & why don't people understand-rant

Why do people think collecting makeup is a bad thing? Today I was talking to my boyfriend about making another online order because I want a new Summer Lorac palette, he said it's pointless. I guess he thinks I have enough makeup and it's not something I should collect. I just don't understand how poeple can't get it in their head how makeup is a great collective choice. For me it makes me feel happy, girly, young and sophisticated. I love sitting in my makeup room and browsing through my makeup. I feel like the hour I get ready in the morning is my happy time and my makeup makes me feel like a grown and beautiful woman.

But I guess it's not the same as shoes, purses, jewelry or clothes. No, too much makeup is considered childish and odd. I mean who has 15 concealers and 30 blushes. A woman like that must be full of insecurities and problems. The truth is, it's artistic and beautiful. Creating a beautiful canvas and chiseling out your facial structure isn't considered art in the average persons eyes. Cut creases and graphic liner isn't art, it's just odd makeup. Even if we're not "artistic" with our makeup, that doesn't mean we don't deserve the right to collect it just because we only love it. Makeup is thrilling. It's like Christmas when a new haul is waiting on the door step. I don't wear it because I think it makes me pretty, I wear it because the makeup is pretty. Scratch that, it's breath taking!

Men say we do it to impress them or to hide our true selves. I say we wear stunning makeup because that's how we express our ourselves and show who we really are. Our beauty starts from within and we let it blossom through the art of makeup. 

Anyway, today my boyfriend said when I buy makeup it doesn't make him happy. Well you know what, it makes me happy and I'm going to continue doing it. It's my expression, my get away, and it's a part of me that's not going away. You're going to have to burry me with my favorite lipstick when I die. I'm just that committed. 

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